


The one where Steve is a sneaky (but sexy) bastard

by Sangrylah



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, a lot of coffee, a tiny bit of angst, and even more fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-11
Updated: 2012-10-11
Packaged: 2017-11-16 02:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sangrylah/pseuds/Sangrylah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony drinks too much coffee. Steve is a Spangled Man With A Plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The one where Steve is a sneaky (but sexy) bastard

**Author's Note:**

> First Avengers fic, yeah! Written in response to a post on Tumblr.

It was Tuesday when Steve noticed it for the first time. Tony.  
Well, no, he noticed Tony for a moment prior to this Tuesday, six months, twelve days, eight hours and twenty-two minutes, to be exact, thirty-seven of which he slept in the same bed as the genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist. When he actually sleeps. Which isn’t so often, really. Which bring us back to the point: Tony. With coffee. _Again_.  
It has to be the, what, seventh time today? Not counting the ones down the lab, because if Tony has got into the habit to go upstairs for his coffee since he has guests and actual people he lives with to see, he didn’t use to before the whole Avengers thing, and as a result hidden behind a protective half-wall at the very back of the lad is set up a sort of kitchen - a little space occupied by a counter cluttered by a microwave above a mini-fridge that does not contain any alcohol, surprisingly, but easy reheat-able, crap meals, and next to the microwave and a small army of joyous, ridicule coffee mugs discarded there in different states of cleanness, the biggest, most obnoxious, luxurious coffee maker **ever**. Seriously, the thing is at least the size of Dummy, and it only did coffee when Tony had it shipped. (Did, because now that Tony had tinkered with it, it can produce coffee, lattes, extravagant things with cream and whipped cream and chocolate and caramel and toffee and whatever and even once, in one particular instance Tony never wants to talk about again **_ever_** , tomato-motor oil cream-super crispy titanium soup. Extra yummy, please.)  
So this has to be the tenth (Steve is nothing if not optimistic) coffee of the day, despite Tony actually sleeping last night - among others delicious, dirty, dirty things - and it being only eleven thirty am.  
Houston, we have a problem.  
Although beverages in general and coffee in particular don’t affect Steve anymore, he knows it can be detrimental in excessive amount, i.e. if you, like _inhale_ it. And Steve, well, let’s say he is ~~very~~ somewhat invested in Tony’s health, okay? So, Steve, Tony, too much coffee.  
This is a serious problem. Nothing short of restraining him in shackles to the wall will prevent Tony to have a coffee (and even that wouldn’t hold him for long. Leave the man his mind and body and he could do and undo the universe.) and though Steve isn’t above the use of all means needed, to chain Tony seems a little bit too much. And not sexy at all, no dear, not in the least.  
But short of the iron collar molted into the wall, Steve doesn’t see anything else. Steve needs to approach the problem from another angle. For all the angles, to find the most efficient solution, and especially the most likely to succeed. Steve needs an idea.  
But what Steve needs above anything else is a plan.  
Steve needs to plan.  
Fortunately, Steve is very _good_ at plans.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The first thing Steve plans for is the plan to find THE solution. The ideal, final, 100% tonyproof solution. What a pain.  
The first step is gathering data, which means he sits down in his allotted bedroom in the former-Stark-now-Avengers Tower (bedroom that is bigger than everything he ever lived in ? and actually doubles as ‘personal recreational area’, like Steve could use all this starktechnology on his own) and proceeds to thoroughly write down anything and everything he knows about Tony. He divides it neatly in several sections - _Can’t Live Without_ , _Love_ , _Like_ and _Hate_. The _Hate_ column helps him to add to the _Like_ and _Love_ ones; when he writes _sleeping cold_ in _Hate_ , he then writes _sleeping warm_ in _Love_ and _sleeping in my arms_ and _sleeping in the nude_ (Tony says Steve is so hot he can’t stand to be wrapped in layers round him, and if his smirk is salacious, his eyes are fond and soft. Steve likes either messages, but favors the one relayed by his beautiful eyes.) Under these mentions, Steve adds _Steve Rogers_ and then stares at this line for a while, his heart fluttering warmly.  
In the end, the _Love_ and _Like_ columns are plentiful but the _Cant Live Without_ one contains only two things: Coffee and Technology. This is the real problem, because the two are easily entwined. For Tony, engineering is like breathing: automatic, natural, and essential. He goes to sleep with ideas and wakes up with plans. He immerses completely in each new project, forgetting to eat and drink, sleep and bathe and just basically taking basic care of himself, and must drink enormous amounts of coffee to keep himself sharp. And then, spazzy from the caffeine, he engineers some more, because he can’t stop with all _this_ in his head. (Well, he calls it ‘tinkering’. Steve calls it ‘creating miracles’, which only reminds Steve how out of his depths he is all the time.) The only way to reduce Tony’s caffeine intake would be to keep him from engineering and it would be like lovingly watering a flower kept in the dark.  
And considering that the man can put together a whole new system with his cell and a fork… yeah, not really doable either.  
No, what Steve needs it’s a way to keep him calm. A way to… A way to shut his brain down! Momentarily, of course.  
Steve needs to find a way for Tony to just relax and enjoy himself without thinking of schematics and blueprints. Right.  
So. How do you do that, exactly?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  
The answer, it seems, chooses to provide itself late at night. This is one of these precious nights when Tony remembered he has a bed, and more than that, a warm body to sleep in it with. He slid under the sheets with a small genuine, tired smile to plaster himself to Steve’s side and leg, content to lie against him. Steve quickly finished reading his paragraph and put his book away, turning as to face Tony and wrap him in his arms.  
Lying in bed with Tony is an amazing experience for many reasons. Primo, Steve never was popular with the ladies in his time, the men weren’t an option, and After, he was too busy prancing around on stage then fighting the war. Secundo, Tony in bed, sleepy and cuddly, his arrogance and starkness all but forgotten by the door, is incredibly soft and pliant; it’s amazing to see him like this. Tertio, the reactor in Tony’s chest, the only thing that keeps him alive, is unnaturally hard and smooth, constantly reminding Steve what he owes his actual happiness to.  
That very thought prompted him to reach for his lover, brushing the back of his fingers from his stubbled cheek to his neck, making Tony shiver in delight and sigh deeply, sweetly. Steve loves this, loves _Tony_ like this - all soft and pliant and comfortable and trustful, obvious in the way Tony gives himself to the touch and the feelings it produces, becoming warm, enticing putty under Steve’s hands.  
And there came the idea.  
It’s clever and wicked and brilliant and Tony would be so proud of him. If he knew. Which he never will. _Ever_.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The plan is quite honestly very simple. Steve knows by experience that as a rule simpler is better.  
He busies himself with his morning routine - training, running, showering - knowing that Tony will still be in bed when he will come back. Steve then makes them breakfast and carries it on a tray to their room. He loves the mornings of Tony’s sleeping nights, and tries to make them last as much as he can. He pampers Tony like mad - bringing him breakfast, cuddling with him on the bed, hand feeding him toast and jam, snuggling and kissing - because it’s the only moment Tony lets him. (Tony seems to believe he has to bitch about anything remotely thoughtful dedicated to him to not seem weak, which is utter nonsense, and Steve hates Howard a bit.)  
They cuddle and snuggle and kiss and touch and basically play octopuses in the shower then go downstairs.  
“What are you doing today?” Steve asks and Tony mutters “I’m still working on Clint’s bow… I stumbled upon something that is either really good or really bad… Considering it’s the SHIELD we’re talking about, I tend to believe it’s the second one…” Steve smiles quietly; Tony’s opinion when SHIELD’s (in)competency is concerned is a well-known thing. The third thing the genius did after they saved the world was to lock himself in his lab, few levels down the destroyed ones, to take their weapons and outfits apart to make them better. (The first was to call Pepper again, and the second to invite the Avengers to live in the Tower to rest and think.)  
Tony carries on, his voice getting stronger as his brain kicks in and starts to run like the beautiful thing it is. His free hand, the one that’s not loosely clasped in Steve’s, also starts to move, rising to twirl around then dipping and shaking, explaining and emphasizing his words. Steve loves how Tony talks with all his body. “But it could be balanced by the dampeners if I reverse the press, but then the pull would coll-no, because the forces are equ-but what about-no no, this one is easy, stability’s the issue because if it starts to lurch it could-but no, because oh if I if we oh! Oh!” Tony stops abruptly and turns to face Steve, a look of ecstatic glee on his face. “ _Oh_ , Steve!” Said Steve just smiles and raises Tony’s hand to kiss his knuckles.  
“Go.”  
Tony suddenly looks flustered and almost shy. “Yes, yes, absolutely. I will just…” He rises to his tiptoes and plants a brief kiss on Steve’s lips. It last barely a heartbeat and he’s already half a floor down, throwing a “Going!” Steve listens to him bundling down the stairs until he can’t anymore and only then allows himself to smirk smugly.  
Simpler is better, yeah. Tony didn’t even realize they didn’t stop by the kitchen for his second cup of the day. It was all very promising.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The following day, Steve busies himself reading about this new world and hanging out with the others in the morning then cooks lunch and brings three plates to the labs. He stops by to give Bruce one since the scientist is likely to forget to eat too, getting a small, shy smile for his efforts, and then goes to Tony. Whereas Bruce’s lab is neat and tidy, the walls here are abundantly covered in virtual electronic blueprints, obscuring them at places, and through the glass Steve can see what he can only describe as _controlled chaos_. Supposing it _is_ controlled. Which Steve doubts of, sometimes. Often. Constantly.  
Tony is surprised but not displeased to see him and they eat talking quietly. Tony praises his cooking and thanks him, almost shy, and Steve kisses him.  
“Can I stay with you?”  
Tony’s eyebrows rise. “You mean, in the lab?”  
“Yes.”  
“Well, okay, but you’ll get bored very quickly.”  
“I just want to be with you.” Steve says quietly.  
Tony flushes and rolls his eyes. “Okay, fine.”  
Steve quickly goes upstairs to put the dirty dishes in the sink and grab a few things then make his way back down. Tony’s music is back, but quieter. Steve makes himself comfortable on the couch and begins to read. At first Tony seems nervous and moves a bit awkwardly, but he soon gets so invested in his work he forgets Steve is here at all, just as Steve wishes.  
And so begins the most part of his plan. Throughout the day, Steve gets up and interrupts Tony to kiss him or hug him when he notices Tony becoming frustrated or looking for his cup. Taken by surprise, Tony jumps the first times, and, once memorable but never to speak again time, manages to set his right eyebrow aflame, but by late evening he doesn’t even twitch, just leans back on Steve’s chest and hums quietly, pleased.  
Steve manages to make him go back up and eat with everyone. They stop by the kitchen to provide Tony with his ‘the day is over’ cup and Steve pushes the right buttons (it has only taken him three weeks to figure it out) while Tony chats about his work of the day and how, now that he figured out where SHIELD screwed, Clint’s bow’s laser an 3D sight is coming along nicely because he doesn’t want Tony to stop drinking the stuff, he just wants him to drink _less_ of it.  
This night Steve falls asleep with an armful of naked, sweaty and cuddly genius and the confidence in his plan.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The following days see the establishment of a new routine where morning are filled with working out, groceries shopping because he _loves_ it - loves seeing all this food and these items in the shops, loves how no one realizes how precious it is as much as he hates it - and educating himself about his new world - history, politics, science, society, there is so much to cover he thinks he will never be finished and it scares him as much as it amazes and enthuses him and afternoons are spend in Tony’s lab distracting him from his coffee with sweet kisses and suave hugs. Steve likes this new arrangement very much.  
Tony’s reaction alone would be worth it, though. He is each time surprised then delighted to be bestowed a tender kiss or a soft touch and never protests nor complains, probably guessing it’s one of Steve romantic fancies he doesn’t warrant but will accept because it’s Steve. The thought brings a smile to Steve’s lips and a pain to his heart.  
He feels a bit bad at playing Tony like this, but it’s for his own good, and it isn’t like it’s all a lie. Steve never really dared to intrude in Tony’s scientific time, figuring out that giving him his space is the key to a successful relationship (and what if he read it in popular magazines? It worked so far!), but it isn’t like spending more time with Tony and getting to see him get all worked up and excited over his work is a hardship. Steve wants to spend as much time as possible with Tony before something or someone snatches him up, too.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The first noticeable progress is apparent the sixth day, when Tony spins around to briefly look at Steve but seems to think better of it and turns back to his worktable. Steve isn’t Captain America for nothing, though, and stands up to walk to his lover and wrap him in his arms.  
“Tired?” He whispers in Tony’s ear.  
“Frustrated,” the sighed reply comes.  
“Wanna lie on the couch for a moment?” Steve tries.  
Tony sighs regretfully. “It actually sounds very go-Oh! I get it! Steve, I got it!”  
Steve lets Tony go the same moment the genius _lurches_ forward to bend over a billion of tiny little discarded scraps of metal and goes back to his couch, very pleased with himself and Tony.  
Mission _Wean Tony Off Of Coffee_ is well on its way to be a raging success.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

All falls down three days later, in the morning. Well, sort of.  
Steve is bringing his first official cup of coffee and what he knows from a reliable source *coughJARVIScough* to be the fifth since 0000 to Tony. Tony’s hair are sprouting in tuffs in his head like some sort of wild jungle and the man himself looks about to keel over under the smallest wind. Tony needs a break between the thinking and the researching, be it caffeinated or otherwise.  
Tony looks up when Steve sets foot in the lab and immediately zooms on the scalding, divine smelling, irresistible cup of coffee. Guh. Steve can almost see him _drools_.  
“Coffee… Y’brght m’c’ffee.” Or something like that.  
“I did.”  
Tony is already halfway between them, his eyes still locked on the cup. “M’ry me.”  
“I will think about it. But I have a proposition for you first.”  
“An’thi’g. Gimme m’c’ffee.”  
“Tatata. This is the subject of the proposition.  
“Hmmmmm?”  
“You can have you coffee…”  
“Gr’t gr’t, y’ss, g’mee.”  
“… or I give you a kiss and a hug.”  
Tony blinks. Slowly. “Wha’?!”  
“Kiss or coffee? You choose.”  
“Wha-?” Tony pauses for a long moment, his eyes glazing over. Then he blinks, eyes sharper now, and looks at the cup and up again at Steve, standing unflinching under his scrutiny. Realization suddenly downs on Tony. His eyes widen and his mouth falls open. It’s not totally unattractive.  
“You bastard.”  
“Yep.” Steve confirms shamelessly.  
 “I hate you,” Tony growls, and his coffee almost crashes on the floor when he fists Steve’s shirt and uses it to roughly crash their lips together. “Really, really ‘ate you.” he adds when they separate to breathe.  
“Indisputably.” Steve placidly agrees. Tony growls again and attacks his mouth with teeth and fervor, effectively shutting him up.  
Steve wraps his arms around him and presses their chests together while safely putting the cup away on a counter. Tony moans and _melts_ against him, leaning trustingly on him. Steve strokes the slim line of skin between the hem of Tony’s shirt and his jeans with his thumb, slowly pushing the fabric up until he can slide his whole hand under the cloth. Tony sighs deeply and wraps his arms around Steve’s neck to fist a generous handful of the hair on the back of his neck, causing the mighty Captain America to shiver from sweet delight. Steve in turn gently racks his blunt nails up on the very warm skin of Tony’s back, making him shiver and whimper in his mouth, sweet as candy.  
This needs to be taken to the couch, decides Steve. Half opening his eyes, he begins to stir them backward towards said piece of furniture.  
Out of the corner of his eye Steve can see the full cup of fresh coffee standing forgotten between a wrench and a… something. Gently coaxing Tony to shuffle backward, Steve smirks very internally.  
Mission _Wean Tony Off Of Coffee_ accomplished!  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Here is the the link to the fanart that inspired the fic: http://utopia-shangrila.tumblr.com/post/33358134637/waterlantern-which-do-you-want-coffee-or


End file.
